A few years ago, Freddie wanted the best
Smoke detectors. He ordered five from Google Nest.
They were eight hundred dollars, a pretty steep price,
But Wirecutter lauded this clever device.
How would he install them? No reason to fidget
For Google provided a suitable widget
That, when you had entered your house's position,
Would locate a Google-approved electrician.
But when Freddie entered his current location,
The app didn't make any recommendation.
His baby arrived! And like many a father
DeBoer was so busy that he couldn't bother
To give the alarm situation more thought.
So he put off installing th'alarms he had bought.
When, several months later, deBoer and his wife
Were living a slightly more leisurely life,
There at last came a moment when Freddie recalled
The smoke alarms that he had never installed.
But Freddie was caught in a multiple fix.
Five alarms weren't enough. Freddie's house needed six.
And since the alarms were a couple years old.
The model was one Google no longer sold.
The new smoke alarms are so smart and superior
They scorn to combine with old models inferior.
He looked for a used one, but those were too pricey,
Or sold by a vendor who seemed very dicey.
He called customer service and had a long chat
But his interlocutor could only say that
He cannot get a refund and they cannot sell
The old model to him. He's not happy? Oh well.
Then Freddie consulted with bot Gemini.
It gave him a link and it urged him to buy.
The link, when he clicked it, produced a display
Of options for payment. He clicked Google Pay.
The page that appeared was an obvious scam.
He'd been tricked like some elderly Boomer. God damn.
The scammers had got all his debit card data.
He instantly canceled the debit card. Later
He had to update all his online subscriptions.
Lest they be declined and go into conniptions.
He told what had happened to bot Gemini.
"Oh, sure, that's a scam," was the helpful reply.
Now Freddie complains he was royally screwed
By Google. But that's an absurd attitude.
It's silly for Freddie to get in a tizzy.
Google's building AI and they're awfully busy.
With Meta and OpenAI they compete.
Of course what they sell soon becomes obsolete.
Ensuring their bots don't facilitate crime
Would be a ridiculous waste of their time.
The world is their oyster! And they have much more
Important committments than Freddie deBoer.
This is part of the collection Verses for the Information Age by Ernest Davis